Originally sent to Tom to win a political debate:

• You so ugly your mamma would to put you in the corner and feed you with a slingshot.
• You so ugly even your shadow has given up hanging out around you
• You so ugly the doctor is still smacking your ass
• You so ugly you can make an onion cry
• You so ugly that when you throw a boomerang it refuses to come back
• You so ugly the zoo asks to you visit to stop the chimpanzees from jerking off
• You so ugly your birth certificate was an apology note
• You so ugly when you look out the window you get arrested for mooning
• You so ugly your mom had to get drunk to breast feed you
• You so ugly when you walk into the bank they turn the surveillance cameras off